Where is the Love???

When my husband(then boyfriend) first joined the military, I was terrified. How could you not be when your loved one is entering the military in a time of war? You have no idea how you're going to ever come to terms with it, how he's going to survive it, let alone yourself. And maybe you're like me, you had no idea of this "community" of military families that you would be introduced to through the wonders of the world wide web. When your SO leaves for boot camp, you suddenly stumble across hundreds of groups dedicated to supporting military families and it seems like the best thing in the world! You amazingly have connections with people who know exactly what you're going through and who can help you prepare for the road ahead. You start feeling secure in your new life, knowing that there are people who can answer just about any question you have. Your family doesn't quite understand, neither do your friends, but you have thousands at your fingertips who know what's going on in your mind.

Deployment Playlist

There comes a time, or several, in a deployment where you just need to bawl your eyes out. Other times you feel such an intense pride for the job your service member is doing that you feel you're going to explode if you don't hear some "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" by Toby Keith! Here's a list of some awesome songs for all your deployment mood swings, feel free to comment with your own and I'll add it to the playlist :-)

Guest Writer: PTSD, the battle after the battle

PTSD, the battle after the battle (author: Lauren K.)

Mike joined the military in 2006, not for the reasons that most people join. He did not join with the attitude of wanting to go and fight some great battle and win a courageous war. He didn’t want to travel the world, or be seen in some handsome uniform. He joined because he was grateful to be born in a country full of liberties, and he realized that those freedoms do not come free. He felt that everyone should do something with their life to benefit this great country, it is a privilege to be able to live in this country - and nobody should just take it for granted. Since he had not gone to college, and he was young and physically capable to – he joined the military. He does not see himself as some “hero”, and he is not someone who necessarily takes “pride” in being a soldier – he does it because he feels it’s his duty.

The Deployment Cycle

Settle in for a read, this is going to take a while!

Since my husband came home in June from his 3rd deployment, I have often looked back and compared our different experiences. I will never truly know what it's like for him, I have no idea what it's like to leave the country and my family for 7 months. I have no idea how hard it is on him, and I can't even imagine what it would be like. So I won't even try to understand it, I'll always just be there to listen when he needs someone to talk to and vent to.

But looking back on our deployments, while there are similarities, there are more differences than anything. Each deployment has carried its own set of trials and tribulations, its own set of ups and downs. No two deployments are going to go exactly the same, life happens even when your SO is deployed so you have to be prepared for anything. The only thing that remains constant is the cycle of feelings you both go through before, during and after deployment. What I hope to do is enlighten some of you so you can recognize those feelings in your own relationship and be prepared for them.

New Name!

Well, in case you haven't noticed we have a new name and a new domain! Nothing else on the site has changed, I just decided to come up with a catchier name, something that encompassed aspects of my life. I'm not completely defined by being the wife of a Marine, it is a big part of my life that's true but it's not everything that I'm about. I am my own person, I do my own things. I love to read, I'm a huge nerd (Star Trek, Star Wars, Red Dwarf, Mr. Bean, Fawlty Towers, Monty Python...I could go on and on and on), I sincerely LOVE to bake (and I'm hoping you can tell that by the recipes I post on here!), I love crafting and sewing, and started both during my husband's deployments. 

So the new name covers the main aspects of my life: baking cupcakes and surviving the military life. I came up with it last week while I was making a background for my phone, and I had a 'duh' moment as I asked myself why I had never thought of it before. Now, it seems quite obvious to me that Cupcakes and Combat Boots should have been the name from the start! So I quickly bought the .com and we're in business. The new URL of the site is www.cupcakesandcombatboots.com and you can email me at jennifer@cupcakesandcombatboots.com. Have a wonderful day :)

True Life: I'm a New Wife

It's what most girls dream about. They spend their younger years planning the perfect wedding, picking a dress, flowers, colors. All that's required is a groom! That's the hardest part, yet it seems like people are getting married all around you. A few months later and half of them are getting divorced. What?! Marriage is supposed to be forever, one and done. How can these people who just 6 months ago pledged their lives to each other be getting divorced already? What if that happens to me?

How Spouses/SOs Can Survive Boot Camp

Boot camp is more than just basic training for the service member. For most couples, it’s also their first introduction to the military lifestyle. While there’s no denying that boot camp will be a difficult, life-changing experience for you both, it’s also a great opportunity to grow stronger, and closer, together. 

Flying Solo One of the hardest parts about military relationships is handling separation. Before boot camp, most couples haven’t been apart for more than a few days, much less a few months.  Suddenly, not only is their recruit gone, they’re totally out of contact. With no phone calls, emails—not even a text—the transition can be devastating.  “It’s okay to grieve,” says Rachel, whose boyfriend is currently completing boot camp in the Army. “We went from spending all day, everyday, together, to very limited contact. The first few days were the worst.” Keeping busy helps pass the time and meeting other women, who are going through the same thing, can be a great source of strength and support.  As hard as it is, try to see your newfound free time as an opportunity instead of a drawback. Use the time to accomplish some of your own projects and goals, so that both of you are moving forward in your own lives, together. Unfortunately, separations are a big part of most military couples’ lives, and learning how to deal with them successfully, early on in his career, will strengthen your relationship and pave an easier road for you both, the next time he has to leave.

Get With the Program In order to survive boot camp, as a couple, you’ve got to be in it together. Regardless of how lonely you are or how much you miss him, keeping a positive attitude while he’s gone will help both of you in the long run. “Be patient and support them,” says Macie Mulvaney, whose husband went through Officer Candidate School in 2002. “They’re learning a new life, not just a new job.” Embrace this opportunity to learn as much as you can about the military. Study the rank structure within his branch or challenge yourself to learn one new word of military jargon everyday. By the time he’s back you’ll be fluent in military-ese! Basically, do whatever you can to get informed and excited about his choice and support his decision to serve our country.
Dust off Those Pom Poms In the military, they call it Moto—short for motivation—and you can bet your sweetie will be brimming with it when he comes home. But for now, he needs you to be his tireless, personal cheerleader. “Be as supportive as possible,” recommends Gunnery Sergeant Timothy Grier, USMC. “And don’t expect to hear much from your recruit. He’ll be too tired, physically and mentally, to write much, even when he’s allowed to.” Boot camp is not the time to whine about his mother or cry about how much you miss him. Stay positive and upbeat. Brush up on his branch’s history and traditions, and impress him by showing off your new trivia—like how boot camp dates back to the Spanish-American war and was coined for the sailors’ leggings, called “boots”. This is the time to shine as your sweetie’s biggest fan and let him know how proud of him you really are.
Get to Know Your Mailman It may sound old-fashioned, but break out the pen and paper. “Send supportive letters, current events articles, motivational stories or poems,” recommends Mulvaney. With no phone calls or emails, letters are often the recruits’ only connection to the outside world. “But keep in mind that anything you send might be opened in front of everyone else, so I recommend sending sensible pictures,” warned Mulvaney, "Don’t worry about what you write, just let him know you’re thinking about him and missing him. “Start writing the day he leaves,” says Kristie K. Walls, whose husband completed boot camp in 2001. “Write about anything and everything, even if it seems insignificant.” 
Stay Busy Time flies when you’re having fun. So instead of wasting three months, counting down the days, use boot camp as a time to accomplish your own goals. Take a class at your local community college, join a book club or a bowling league, finally run that 5k you’re always talking about. Walls used the time to plan her wedding. “It was great,” she says, “he couldn’t disagree, and I could do it the way I wanted to.” 
Make New Friends It might sound obvious, but don’t go it alone. No matter how good your civilian friends are, no one understands the unique challenges and rewards of military living better than other women going through it. Find your nearest family readiness office, meet the volunteer coordinator, and try to connect with other local women. If you don’t live near base, get online! “It’s extremely hard, but never give up on each other,” says Walls. “In the end, it’s all worth it.”
Source: www.military.com/by Erin O'Neill

OPSEC: The Rules

Many people seem to think that OPSEC & PERSEC are not important, and that the "rules" don't really have to be followed. People think because their Facebook profile is set to private, that no one can get at their information. But the sad truth is that that information is easily obtained if your lips are too loose, private profile or not. These rules are in place to keep all our troops safe, and their families back home safe.

What is OPSEC?
Operations Security, or OPSEC, is keeping potential adversaries from discovering our critical information. As the name suggests, it protects our operations planned, in progress, and those completed. Success depends on secrecy and surprise, so the military can accomplish the mission faster and with less risk. Our adversaries want our information, and they don't concentrate on only sailors to get it. They want you, the family member.

Protecting Critical InformationEven though information may not be secret, it can be what we call critical information. Critical information deals with specific facts about military intentions, capabilities, operations or activities. If an adversary knew this detailed information, our mission accomplishment and personnel safety could be jeopardized. It must be protected to ensure an adversary doesn't gain a significant advantage. By being a member of the military family, you! u will often know some bits of critical information. Do not discuss them outside of your immediate family and especially not over the telephone.

Examples Of Critical InformationDetailed information about the mission of assigned units. Details on locations and times of unit deployments. Personnel transactions that occur in large numbers (Example: pay information, powers of attorney, wills, deployment information). References to trends in unit morale or personnel problems. Details concerning security procedures.

Puzzle PiecesThese bits of information may seem insignificant. However, to a trained adversary, they are small pieces of a puzzle that highlight what were doing and planning. Remember, the elements of security and surprise are vital to the accomplishment of our goals and our collective personnel protection. Where and how you discuss this information is just as important as with whom you discuss it. Adverse agents tasked with collecting information frequently visit some of the same stores, clubs, recreational areas, or places of worship as you do. Determined individuals can easily collect data from cordless and cellular phones, and even baby monitors, using inexpensive receivers available from local electronics stores. If anyone, especially a foreign national, persistently seeks information, notify your military sponsor immediately. He or she will notify the unit OPSEC program manager.

What Can You Do?There are many countries and organizations that would like to harm Americans and degrade our influence in the world. It's possible, and not unprecedented, for spouses and family members of U.S. military personnel to be targeted for intelligence collection. This is true in the United States and especially true overseas! What can you do?

Be Alert! Foreign governments and organizations collect significant amounts of useful information by using spies. A foreign agent may use a variety of approaches to befriend someone and get sensitive information. This sensitive information can be critical to the success of a terrorist or spy, and consequently deadly to Americans.

Be Careful! There may be times when your spouse cannot talk about the specifics of his or her job. It's very important to conceal and protect certain information such as flight schedules, ship movements, temporary duty (TDY) locations, and installation activities, for example. Something as simple as a phone discussion about where your spouse is deploying, or going TDY, can be very useful to our enemies.

OPSEC IS A FAMILY AFFAIR - DISCUSS OPSEC WITH YOUR FAMILYAll Family Members Are Part Of The Military OPSEC Team. They Need To Protect Information To Ensure The Safety Of All Our Soldiers, Sailors, Airman, Coast Guards, Civilians, And their Families. You Are A Vital Player In Our Success!As a family member of our military community, you are a vital player in our success, and we couldn't do our job without your support. You may not know it, but you also play a crucial role in ensuring your loved one safety. You can protect your family and friends by protecting what you know of the military day-to-day operations. That's OPSEC.There are a few other things we would like to remind you about OPSEC. When posting pictures please be sure to black out anything that has your last name on it (or your SO). I.E. name tags. Don't discuss people's names and billets in conjunction with operations. Please don't discuss halfway points or discuss percentages. (example: there is only 20% left on this deployment) This is very important!!

OPSEC rules for internet useDo not post exact deployment dates or redeployment datesDo not reveal camp locations, including nearby cities. After the deployment is officially announced by Military officials, you may discuss locations that have been released, normally on the Country level.Do not discuss convoy routes (“we travelled through Takrit on our way to X”)Detailed information on the mission, capabilities or morale of a unitSpecific names or actual nicknamesPersonnel transactions that occur in large numbers (Example: pay information, powers of attorney, wills, etc)Details concerning security procedures, response times, tacticsDon’t discuss equipment or lack thereof, to include training equipmentDon’t speculate about future operationsIf posting pictures, don’t post anything that could be misconstrued or used for propaganda purposes. A good rule of thumb is to look at your picture without your caption or explanation and consider if it could be re-captioned to reflect poorly on coalition forces. For example, your image might show your Soldier rescuing a child from a blast site, but could be re-captioned to insinuate that the child being captured or harmed. (it’s happened!)Avoid the use of count-up or count-down tickers for the same reason as rule #1be very careful if posting pictures of your loved one. Avoid images that show significant landmarks near their base of operations, and black out last names and unit affiliationsDo not, ever, post information about casualties (coalition or enemy) before the official release of the information.Do not pass on rumors (“I heard they’re coming home early”, etc)(partial credit to militarysupport.forumotion.com; other credit to opsecprofessionals.org)