Deployment Playlist

There comes a time, or several, in a deployment where you just need to bawl your eyes out. Other times you feel such an intense pride for the job your service member is doing that you feel you're going to explode if you don't hear some "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" by Toby Keith! Here's a list of some awesome songs for all your deployment mood swings, feel free to comment with your own and I'll add it to the playlist :-)

Giveaway Time!

As some of you might know, I sew! I make bags and wallets, coin purses and tablet covers, and am making more each day. This bag is one of my favorites, my husband helped in the design and when I made the first one I couldn't bear to let it go so I kept it for myself! I will be giving away one of these a month, so subscribe to the blog so you don't miss a chance for this and other giveaways :)

Here's what I'm giving away:

What Not to Wear: Military Ball Edition

That time is upon us: it's ball season!!! This is our third ball, but our first since 2009. My husband has been deployed for the last two so this year we're more excited to go, plus it's probably our last at this duty station so we want to leave in style ;) The Marine Corps Ball, like any other ball, is a very formal event. It celebrates the birthday of the Marine Corps, there's a lot of ceremony involved. The oldest and youngest Marines cut the cake, a lot of people make oorah speeches, there's a lot of standing at attention for the Marines. It might be a party, but there is a lot of respect for the occasion that goes along with that.

Our first ball happened to land on the day we went to the courthouse to get married, back in 2008. It was awesome, a huge wedding reception without us having to shell out a dime (except for tickets lol)! The food was great, the free drinks were a nice perk, and it was a great opportunity for me to meet a lot of the people my new husband worked with.

He Wants to Deploy!

Marines loading sea-bags (photo courtesy of Google)

It comes out of nowhere. You're at home, going through the cabinets trying to figure out what to make for dinner. Your phone rings and that special ringtone for your husband makes your eyes light up. You answer the phone with a smile and hear the words that will seem strange to you for a long time to come, "There's a deployment coming up and I want to go." Um...what?! After the initial shock subsides (because it never really goes away) a million questions go through your mind. Why does he want to leave? Is he tired of being with me? Why on earth would he voluntarily want to deploy?!

4 more years...

Well he went and did it now. Yesterday, my husband reenlisted for 4 more years. As I stood there in the 100 degree heat, willing a cool breeze to go through and help me stop sweating, I couldn't help but remember almost 5 years ago when he took his oath of enlistment. We'd only been dating for a couple months, known each other a little longer, and in 4 weeks he'd be leaving for boot camp. I was crying silently, using tissues given to me by a stranger, wondering how in the world I was going to let him go, how I was going to survive without him, wondering if he'd forget all about me and find someone else. Questions flew through my head, mostly "what ifs". What if he didn't want to be with me anymore? What if boot camp changed him into someone I didn't know? Somehow I had to suck it up, keep my life going and stay positive for him. As we said our goodbyes at the airport, I had to bite my lip not to cry in front of him. I needed him to know I'd be tough for him and that I'd be waiting for him when boot camp was over. As he walked away towards airport security, I turned and walked away with his parents, shedding only a few tears. My heart was already aching for him but if I turned around to see him again, I'd never want to leave. That first few nights were the worst, especially when I got the 30 second phone call to tell me he'd arrived. That call was horrible. I was so happy to hear his voice, but I knew his lines would be scripted. We'd been warned before he left that he'd only be able to say what they told him to say, an 'I love you' was out of the question. I only wanted to hear that and he couldn't say it, my first taste of what was to come.

Marine Corps boot camp is one of the toughest there is, 13 long weeks of solid training all summed up into a 4 day event called the Crucible. I had printed out an MCRD San Diego recruit training schedule that mapped out day by day what the guys would be doing (I say guys because at San Diego there are no females, the female Marines train at Parris Island). It helped me to know what he was doing and when, even if they didn't follow the schedule exactly I could Google about their exercises and know what was happening. Those 13 weeks were difficult, I was living on my own with no car so I had to rely on good old St. Louis public transportation to get me to and from work. And boy was I working, 2 full time jobs to support myself so I would leave at 8am and not get home til 10 or 11pm. I rarely had days off, my feet constantly ached from being on them so much, and I was missing the one person who could make everything better. But I kept pushing on because every day that passed was one day closer to seeing him again. About 8 weeks in, I was working late one night doing inventory. Til then, my only communication with my boyfriend/husband had been letters. I'd been getting about 1 a week from him, he'd explained before he left that he wanted to focus on getting through boot camp so he wasn't going to spend all his free time writing me. Regardless, I wrote him nearly every day. It was great to go home after a long day, change into my PJs and grab my writing gear. Oftentimes, knowing that I got to write him at night got me through my days. Writing him about my day, even about the most mundane detail, helped me relax and helped me believe he was still here helping me through everything. That night I was doing inventory and didn't get home til about 130am. As soon as I walked through the door I saw my answering machine blinking, and immediately knew it was him. I started crying before I even listened to the message, I was so angry that I had missed his phone call, probably the only phone call I'd ever get. What if he thinks I don't love him anymore? What if he thinks I was cheating on him? In boot camp, the DIs fill recruits heads with visions of unfaithful girlfriends and wives, nameless "Jodies" moving in on the girls who said they'd wait for you. Just one of their many tactics to break recruits down and build them up again, they have to know you can handle the pressure and still make competent decisions. I must have listened to his message 40-50 times before I went to bed, crying the whole time. His voice was hoarse with all the yelling they had to do, even through the hoarseness I could hear his emotions. He was just as upset as I was that I didn't answer the phone, and he'd have to wait til my next letter to find out why. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I didn't know til about 2 weeks before his graduation that I'd be able to go. Supporting myself took up a lot of my money, and plane tickets were a strain on my budget. I was fortunate that his mom said she'd pay for my hotel room, and I will forever be grateful for that. If she hadn't done me that kindness, I wouldn't have been able to keep my promise to him. I'd told him in nearly every letter that I would be the first on the parade deck to hug him, and I didn't want to break that promise. He knew my budget was tight and told me it was ok if I wasn't able to make it, but there was no way I was going to miss that. I needed to be there and I was fortunate enough to get there. I didn't exactly tell him I'd be coming though, I wanted it to be a surprise. Fast forwarding to Family Day, it took me a minute to spot him in the midst of all the other slim, high and tight wearing Marines. But when I did I couldn't stop my heart from pounding out of my chest. It was agonizing waiting for them to get dismissed, but when they did I'm pretty sure I was the first out on the parade deck. I had to pick my way through Marines congratulating each other and I finally spotted him. I'll never forget that moment as long as I live: he was hugging his rack mate and looked up to see me standing there. All he says is, "Oh my god," and crushes me into the tightest hug ever. I couldn't cry, all I could do was smile because we'd made it. We both knew that 13 weeks defined our entire relationship and proved that we could make it through anything as long as we did it together.

That was over 4 years ago. We've done 3 deployments since then, gone through more trials and tribulations, had the Marine Corps dictate our lives, and we've come through it all even stronger than before. Standing there yesterday and watching him reenlist, pledging 4 more years of his life to the service of the Marine Corps, all I could do was smile as my heart filled with pride. He never ceases to amaze me, he's a brilliant Marine and an even more amazing husband. I'm so proud of him for serving his country, for making the decision even at the age of 26 to join the Marine Corps and do something good with his life. It's not just wifely pride that makes me brag about him, he's genuinely great at what he does and he takes great pride in his work. He volunteers to deploy because he wants to be a part of history. He's always seeking new ways to improve himself and his leadership. He's truly an amazing person to know and love, and no matter how many times he wants to raise his hand and take the oath again, I'll always be there by his side.

This isn't a job, it's an honor

You seem them all the time, bumper stickers, decals, shirts, all saying "Marine Wife, Toughest Job in the Corps" (for all branches).  I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and say to myself that they just can't think of a better word than "job". Some actually believe being a military wife or a military girlfriend is a job...wth? Since when is loving and supporting your husband/boyfriend a job?

Let me explain my point of view. I love my husband with my whole heart and then some, I support him 150% in whatever he wants to do. He wanted to go to Iraq, so I said, "Go ahead honey, I'll be fine." Same thing with Afghanistan. Same thing when he said he wanted to try a MEU. I support him because I love him, not because I'm required to. I could be one of those military wives who can't survive without her husband, the kind that has to rely on her husband for anything and everything. Nah, that's not me. I prefer to be independent. Sure I would rather have my husband home with me but I don't NEED him to have a good time. I have a couple good friends that I can call up and go do something with, I have school to do, I know how to keep myself entertained so I'm not sitting in a corner during an entire deployment, rocking back and forth because I don't want to go out into the big scary world without my husband. I prefer to find the good in every deployment, I want my husband to know that he doesn't have to worry that I'm going to cave in under the pressure. I want him to know that I can hold the fort down while he's gone, and that he has a home waiting for him.

None of this is difficult for me, none of this would make me want to walk away and find some "easier" life. This is OUR life, we have built this life together and nothing would ever make me walk away from it.  Loving him is not difficult, it's the easiest thing in the world because I know we're meant to be together, we're soulmates, we're two halves of the same whole, however you want to put it. Supporting him is not difficult, yes I miss him like crazy when he's gone there's no denying that, and I have rough days where I just want him home with me. But even through everything the Marine Corps throws at us, my support for my husband has never diminished and will never be diminished.

Looking at the "toughest job" part, really? Right now, I am sitting on my couch with my puppies laying on the other couches. All the windows are open and there's a wonderful breeze blowing, the house smells great thanks to Bath and Body works wallflowers. I have a pool to go lay out at if I choose to, I can have whatever my little heart desires to eat, and each night I fall asleep on a nice queen sized bed watching TV. My husband is currently on a ship, he's been to Iraq and Afghanistan before this but we'll look at his life on the ship. He's on a ship, there's a finite area that he can walk around, stretching out in all directions is nothing but blue water. He has to work in a tiny shop with the big parts he works on (he works on helicopter blades and rotors), and it's usually hot as there's no air conditioning. He gets to eat whatever the galley is serving that day, or whatever we've sent him in care packages. Whatever he eats is far from the homecooked meals he loves.  His rack I believe is about 3 feet tall and maybe 5 1/2 feet long, not even the size of a twin bed. He can't stretch out because he's a little too tall for the rack so he has to sleep with his legs bent. Oh, and there's a little curtain for "privacy". He's constantly around the other Marines and Sailors on the ship, most of the areas are very cramped. He doesn't get weekends off, he works 12 hours a day, every day, dealing with all the stupid crap that comes from people who've been around each other way too much for way too long. He's away from everything he knows and loves, no fast food, no random car trips, no beach with our puppies, no me, no homecooked food, no coming home every day from work...the list goes on and on.  So I will not let anyone tell me that I have it harder than he does. My life during deployment is infinitely easier than his, and while I don't love waiting, I love the person I'm waiting for. This will never ever be a job to me, I do this willingly because a life without my husband is unimaginable.