He Wants to Deploy!

Marines loading sea-bags (photo courtesy of Google)

It comes out of nowhere. You're at home, going through the cabinets trying to figure out what to make for dinner. Your phone rings and that special ringtone for your husband makes your eyes light up. You answer the phone with a smile and hear the words that will seem strange to you for a long time to come, "There's a deployment coming up and I want to go." Um...what?! After the initial shock subsides (because it never really goes away) a million questions go through your mind. Why does he want to leave? Is he tired of being with me? Why on earth would he voluntarily want to deploy?!


Listen to me, this will probably happen at least once in your SO's military career. When you join the military any time after 9-11, you're not joining to sit stateside pushing papers. You're joining to get into the fight and be a part of history, to say that you were a part of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. When your SO first brings you the news that there's an upcoming deployment and he really wants to go, it's going to be a shock. You're going to assume that it's because something is wrong at home, something wrong with you or your relationship. And you won't be able to stop yourself from asking him those questions. He will tell you it has nothing to do with you, your relationship has never been better, but he wants to go.

The most important thing is to understand why he wants to go. He might not even be able to explain it himself. My husband is one of those guys, wants to be a part of history, wants to do what he's been trained for. When he got to his first duty station in 2008, he immediately began looking for a deployment he could go on. Part of his reason was so we could save money so I could make the trek from Missouri to California to live with him finally, but I know that wasn't all of the reason. But I was patient, I sent him off with a smile and a "don't worry about me, I'll be fine" and waited for him to get back from Iraq. He got home, we adopted a dog and settled into married life. Four, yes four, short months later he came to me with the news that his unit was leaving for Afghanistan and he wanted to be on the first wave out there. Which would mean he'd be deploying again 6 months after he got home from his first one. Uh...ok. 6 months of married life and you want to leave again? Am I that horrible to live with? I went through all those questions myself, asked him a million times. The only answer he could ever give me was that it had nothing to do with me, he wanted to go to Afghanistan. That was never a satisfactory answer for me, why would anyone WANT to go to Afghanistan?! He wasn't able to leave for Afghanistan with his unit, so his deployment date was delayed indefinitely. Relief in my mind was disappointment in his. He was crushed, he wanted to go so bad and hated seeing the guys he worked with going instead. I hated seeing him like that and asked him why he was so upset. He replied that he wanted to see the world, he wanted to be able to say he was a part of the Afghanistan campaign, this is what he trained for and he wanted to do his job as a Marine. Oh...well yeah, that makes complete sense (cue the light bulb here). He did get to go to Afghanistan that July, 11 months after he got home from Iraq.

My husband has volunteered for 3 deployments in 3 years. Each time he gets excited and anxious to go, watching the days go by slowly til he leaves, packing and repacking his gear, cheerfully asking me if I want to help and laughing when I sullenly tell him no (lol). His last deployment, he volunteered to go so a guy who'd just had a baby wouldn't have to leave. My husband is like 99% of people who join the military, they join to get in the fight! They deploy to say they've been to Afghanistan and Iraq and all around the world (my husband has now gone around the entire world one time). Old military commercials tell you to "See the world!" and it still rings true today. Where else would ordinary people get a chance to see so many countries and cultures? The military is a wonderful opportunity for people to do things that they wouldn't normally get to do, all the while serving something that's so much bigger than any of us.

So, when your SO comes to you and tells you there's a deployment he wants to volunteer for, take a deep breath and say, "Ok, tell me about it." Remember it has NOTHING to do with you, your relationship, your life. It's not about you, it's about him/her. The best thing you can do for them is give all the support and love you can, this is what they want to do, it's going to make them happy. Just like you want their support for your dreams, they want the same support for theirs. You might not understand it, but that doesn't mean you can't support them all the same. It doesn't mean they're not going to miss you, of course they're going to miss you and everything they have at home. But they're choosing to make that sacrifice for a little while to do what they're trained to do. They train to deploy, you train for them to be deployed. It's not as bad as people make it out to be, while everyone's experience is different it all comes down to getting out of it what you put into it. And remember, it's only a small amount of time compared to the lifetime you two have together.