4 more years...

Well he went and did it now. Yesterday, my husband reenlisted for 4 more years. As I stood there in the 100 degree heat, willing a cool breeze to go through and help me stop sweating, I couldn't help but remember almost 5 years ago when he took his oath of enlistment. We'd only been dating for a couple months, known each other a little longer, and in 4 weeks he'd be leaving for boot camp. I was crying silently, using tissues given to me by a stranger, wondering how in the world I was going to let him go, how I was going to survive without him, wondering if he'd forget all about me and find someone else. Questions flew through my head, mostly "what ifs". What if he didn't want to be with me anymore? What if boot camp changed him into someone I didn't know? Somehow I had to suck it up, keep my life going and stay positive for him. As we said our goodbyes at the airport, I had to bite my lip not to cry in front of him. I needed him to know I'd be tough for him and that I'd be waiting for him when boot camp was over. As he walked away towards airport security, I turned and walked away with his parents, shedding only a few tears. My heart was already aching for him but if I turned around to see him again, I'd never want to leave. That first few nights were the worst, especially when I got the 30 second phone call to tell me he'd arrived. That call was horrible. I was so happy to hear his voice, but I knew his lines would be scripted. We'd been warned before he left that he'd only be able to say what they told him to say, an 'I love you' was out of the question. I only wanted to hear that and he couldn't say it, my first taste of what was to come.

Marine Corps boot camp is one of the toughest there is, 13 long weeks of solid training all summed up into a 4 day event called the Crucible. I had printed out an MCRD San Diego recruit training schedule that mapped out day by day what the guys would be doing (I say guys because at San Diego there are no females, the female Marines train at Parris Island). It helped me to know what he was doing and when, even if they didn't follow the schedule exactly I could Google about their exercises and know what was happening. Those 13 weeks were difficult, I was living on my own with no car so I had to rely on good old St. Louis public transportation to get me to and from work. And boy was I working, 2 full time jobs to support myself so I would leave at 8am and not get home til 10 or 11pm. I rarely had days off, my feet constantly ached from being on them so much, and I was missing the one person who could make everything better. But I kept pushing on because every day that passed was one day closer to seeing him again. About 8 weeks in, I was working late one night doing inventory. Til then, my only communication with my boyfriend/husband had been letters. I'd been getting about 1 a week from him, he'd explained before he left that he wanted to focus on getting through boot camp so he wasn't going to spend all his free time writing me. Regardless, I wrote him nearly every day. It was great to go home after a long day, change into my PJs and grab my writing gear. Oftentimes, knowing that I got to write him at night got me through my days. Writing him about my day, even about the most mundane detail, helped me relax and helped me believe he was still here helping me through everything. That night I was doing inventory and didn't get home til about 130am. As soon as I walked through the door I saw my answering machine blinking, and immediately knew it was him. I started crying before I even listened to the message, I was so angry that I had missed his phone call, probably the only phone call I'd ever get. What if he thinks I don't love him anymore? What if he thinks I was cheating on him? In boot camp, the DIs fill recruits heads with visions of unfaithful girlfriends and wives, nameless "Jodies" moving in on the girls who said they'd wait for you. Just one of their many tactics to break recruits down and build them up again, they have to know you can handle the pressure and still make competent decisions. I must have listened to his message 40-50 times before I went to bed, crying the whole time. His voice was hoarse with all the yelling they had to do, even through the hoarseness I could hear his emotions. He was just as upset as I was that I didn't answer the phone, and he'd have to wait til my next letter to find out why. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I didn't know til about 2 weeks before his graduation that I'd be able to go. Supporting myself took up a lot of my money, and plane tickets were a strain on my budget. I was fortunate that his mom said she'd pay for my hotel room, and I will forever be grateful for that. If she hadn't done me that kindness, I wouldn't have been able to keep my promise to him. I'd told him in nearly every letter that I would be the first on the parade deck to hug him, and I didn't want to break that promise. He knew my budget was tight and told me it was ok if I wasn't able to make it, but there was no way I was going to miss that. I needed to be there and I was fortunate enough to get there. I didn't exactly tell him I'd be coming though, I wanted it to be a surprise. Fast forwarding to Family Day, it took me a minute to spot him in the midst of all the other slim, high and tight wearing Marines. But when I did I couldn't stop my heart from pounding out of my chest. It was agonizing waiting for them to get dismissed, but when they did I'm pretty sure I was the first out on the parade deck. I had to pick my way through Marines congratulating each other and I finally spotted him. I'll never forget that moment as long as I live: he was hugging his rack mate and looked up to see me standing there. All he says is, "Oh my god," and crushes me into the tightest hug ever. I couldn't cry, all I could do was smile because we'd made it. We both knew that 13 weeks defined our entire relationship and proved that we could make it through anything as long as we did it together.

That was over 4 years ago. We've done 3 deployments since then, gone through more trials and tribulations, had the Marine Corps dictate our lives, and we've come through it all even stronger than before. Standing there yesterday and watching him reenlist, pledging 4 more years of his life to the service of the Marine Corps, all I could do was smile as my heart filled with pride. He never ceases to amaze me, he's a brilliant Marine and an even more amazing husband. I'm so proud of him for serving his country, for making the decision even at the age of 26 to join the Marine Corps and do something good with his life. It's not just wifely pride that makes me brag about him, he's genuinely great at what he does and he takes great pride in his work. He volunteers to deploy because he wants to be a part of history. He's always seeking new ways to improve himself and his leadership. He's truly an amazing person to know and love, and no matter how many times he wants to raise his hand and take the oath again, I'll always be there by his side.